What is wrong with you, heart?

Our heart sometimes annoy us so much. When it says some things, feel some things.. Like mine right now. I do not know what is wrong with my heart. It is crazy. When this boy left it alone, it was hurting so much. I was crying, sad and do not know what more. My heart was so sad, feeling so bad..And now, it just beats like crazy when it sees him. My heart always acted weird when it saw him but not like now.
My heart is jealous of every girl talked to him, is missing his touch and his words. Everything. I do not know.. I am not in love, for sure. I can not be in love. I can not love. But the weird thing is that my heart recently responded like that on other boy. But this boy left me, he had to left country. And it was so bad for me and for my heart and I was even thinking I might love him. But now, there is other boy. He so freaking handsome but he is looking for a perfect girl. Not someone like me. And my heart know it, so...
I know there is so many people who do not know what they are actually feeling and I am one of those people.
Our hearts likes making jokes to us, do you noticed?
Maybe you feel the same? Maybe you also do not know what you feel? If so, write to me. I am willing talk with you about this, or even about something totally different than our feelings. Maybe I do not help you but I will listening you for sure and I will be trying help. Here is my e-mail: nataliabaran@vp.pl so write to me if you want :) I am willing to talk with someone about anything!
I know this post is freaking bored and it is about...nothing? Yes. But not I am rally feeling better without all this feeling inside me. I am glad that I could wrote all these feeling here, and maybe it is bored but it really helped so if you also want write somewhere your feeling, write an e-mail to me :) Of course you stay anonymous!
I know this post is so incomprehensible but I am who I am. I am weird, I am lame, I run into things, I spill food, I trip, I scream about random and stupid stuff, and I wrote  incomprehensible things but I hope you won't hate me :)

Much love! xoxo

Alone with people.

 Do you ever feel like nobody understand you? Like you are alone even if there is a hundred people around you? This is what I feel right now. I think there was a days when you felt it too.  I know it is hard. Hard to explain and hard to not talking about it.
 There are a days when your heart is like a other person, like it has his own life, like it do not wanna listen you. I do not know what my heart wanna tell me right now. I know it is missing. Missing a one person, a boy, who left it a few days ago and did not came back. My heart really liked him and now suffers because it cannot see him.
 I know you know what I am talking about. Your heart also felt alone and suffered in the past. Every heart felt it. But you know.. it is how it should be. Because I think.. if people we appreciate, love, like more or like less.. if those people never left us, do we would appreciate their in our lives? I think no. Because if they never left us we would never know how it is without them in our lives and maybe we might even feel like we do not need them. It would be so wrong!
 Maybe it really hurt when they leave us, but they have to do it. We have to live with it. Without them. But the good thing is that some people always come back.
 I do not know that I am feeling right now but I know for sure that my heart is really messed up and really missing someone, and want him back so much like nothing else. But there is nothing I can do and nothing you can do. We have to wait. Wait for their come back. Which will.

 I know I messed this first note, but I have to told everything I felt. Even if this is not clear. And I hope you understand and forgive me my not good English, but I am not English, I am Polish. But I tried to told it everything as good as I can. I hope you appreciate, understand and will love <3